What does this button do?

Being a virgin he thought the best way to proceed was to concentrate on lots of foreplay. He’d never seen a real woman’s body live and in the flesh before let alone touch one. Everything he was doing he was doing for the first time, he was watching and listening to her, trying to gauge what kind of reaction each part he touched produced. He wanted to make sure he got it right.

So far he had touched, with his hands or lips, her earlobes, her neck, her cheeks, her breasts and her nipples. He was working his way down her stomach, spotting her navel he had to suppress a giggle when he thought to himself “Ooh, what does this button do?”

He traced around her navel with his finger tip; that got a good reaction. He decided to run his finger tip over the centre of her belly button. As his finger swiped over her navel it flashed blue for a second then her arse fell off.

Surpise

Having finished work early she decided not to phone her husband but to go home and surprise him instead.

She let herself in the front door and heard him upstairs. Shrugging off her coat she tiptoed up the stairs. Entering the bedroom she saw him, she crossed confidently across the room and stopped in front of him. He looked surprised to see her.

Instead of greeting him she said, "Take off my blouse." He didn't speak but with trembling hands he took off her blouse.
"Now take off my skirt." In one swift movement her skirt was off.
"Take off my bra." He removed her bra skilfully one handed.
"Take off my panties." In a second they were on the floor.
"Take off my stockings." Her last items of clothing were soon off.
"Now," she said forcefully, "if I come home early from work and catch you wearing my clothes again, I want a divorce.

Cyber sex

Horny single minded guy: can you turn your web cam on?

Bored annoyed multi tasking gal: erm...it's broke sorry.

Horny single minded guy: ah well never mind, what you wearing?

Bored annoyed multi tasking gal: grey joggy bottoms with paint on them, a jack daniels t-shirt with what could be bean stains on it, a bra that was once white but is now grey and has a bit of underwire sticking out, big comfy knickers with loose elastic and pink slippers that used to be fuzzy but are now shiny. What are you wearing big boy?

*HORNY SINGLE MINDED GUY IS CURRENTLY OFFLINE*

Just do me!

Just fuck me, don't duck me and put your stupid paper down
The sports section, over an erection? Most men would think you were a clown
Please see me, bending freely, stop trying to look past me so you can watch the tv
Don't duck me, just fuck me you twat

Just screw me, just do me, turn your bloody x-box off
Your gaming, I'm blaming, is the reason you never get me off
Don't be sad, don't feel bad, come and press the buttons on my fleshy joypad
Just do me, just screw me you twat

Just lay me, don't play me, no need to mow the lawn right now
Grass cutting, means nothing, next to this old horny cow
Ditch the mower, get a grower, plough my private furrow for me fast then slower
Don’t play me, just lay me you twat

Just hump me, don't dump me, to go down to the pub with pals
Drinking bitter, is shitter, than an evening in with both the "gals"
Just these two, can thrill you, you'll get a frothy head from your pump if you do
Don't dump me, just hump you twat

Just shag me, don't nag me and put your saw and hammer back
Stop banging, and clanging, I nearly had a heart attack
Stop sawing, it's boring, make me feel a woman on the ripped up flooring
Don't nag me, just shag me you twat

Just ride me, don't chide me, and stop pretending you're asleep
Stop wincing, it's not convincing, I want to feel you in me deep
Be reckless, and feckless, I'll even let you furnish me with a pearl necklace
Don't chide me, just ride me you twat



Thanks Victoria.

Spanky's Halloween lesbo gang bang

Hi, I'm Spanky.

I'm the kind of guy that enjoys a party, especially the kind of party that gives me an excuse to dress up. As you can probably guess from that my favourite kind of party is a Halloween party.

I've been hosting Halloween parties for years with varying degrees of awesomeness but nothing compares to the party I threw this year.

Let me tell you all about it.

I had everything set up and I was just waiting for my guests to arrive. The doorbell rang and I pulled on my mask to go and answer it.

When I opened the door there stood 14 of the most gorgeous girls I had ever seen in my life. Every single one of them was dressed as a sexy something or other, sexy nurse, sexy witch, etc etc.

I didn't recognise a single one of them but I still let them in. They all went to my living room via my kitchen, grabbing drinks along the way.

I followed them like a lost puppy, slack jawed, wide eyed and drooling. They started their own little party, some were dancing, some were chatting and some were like totally making out! It didn’t take long before they were all making out.

I watched totally amazed at the scene unfolding before me. There were clothes coming off, dildos being produced from handbags, strap ons being...erm...strapped on. This was going to be awesome.

I stripped off my costume and got ready to wade in. I hadn't even got close when two of the girls grabbed me. I was in seventh heaven. That was until they started walking me to the door. On the way out one said "We're lesbians stupid, put your pointless, tiny wiener away and get lost."

They threw me out of my own house and locked the door! I went round to the front window, the curtains were open a little and I peaked through. I only had the chance to spot a writhing mass of naked lady flesh before I was spotted and they were closed.

Here I was semi naked, with a boner, standing outside my own house while 14 sexy lesbians were getting it on in my living room!

Halloween sucks!